It Kills Him, All Because of Me
by Genevia
Summary: Blaine's POV of the previous fic 'It Kills Me'. What would you feel if you unintentionally broke someone's heart?


**Disclaimer: **Glee does not and will NEVER belong to me. :D

**A/N: **Rawr, because I am still having troubles with coming up with a new plot, I have decided to write Blaine's POV of "It Kills Me", if you haven't read the original fic, you should totally read it. I also made it and it is also about angst (as this one is). Wheeee! Commence the ANGST!

It kills him, I know.

And it's all because of me.

He's dying inside, that much I can tell.

He never smiles anymore.

The vibrancy of life in him has disappeared.

He never sings with passion anymore.

The spark in his eyes is gone.

All because of me.

I swear that I never meant things to go this way. Kurt transferring here was only meant to spare him from the homophobic bullies in McKinley, not make him fall in love with me. I was just supposed to be his mentor and friend.

There's nothing I can do now. The damage has been done and I can't undo what I've said.

But that doesn't mean I'm happy with it. I may look happy on the outside but I'm slowly rotting inside.

Every time I see him, flanked by Wes and David or sometimes by his classmates, my heart aches and I remember why that is so.

"_Blaine, have you seen Kurt? He wasn't around for Warbler practice." Wes asked worriedly._

_We had just finished practice and Wes, David and I were the last ones in the room._

_I gulped. "No, I haven't."_

_Wes looked at me suspiciously. "Are you okay?" I nodded wordlessly._

"_Well, I'm going to look for Kurt. You coming Blaine? David?" he offered._

_David quickly stood up while I shook my head. "Maybe he just wants time alone." I muttered,_

"_Yeah, he's just in his few weeks at Dalton and he's __**taking a break**__ when he actually needs to catch up." David's tone dripped with disdain and sarcasm. "What the hell is wrong with you Blaine? You should be the one worried when our endearing spy is missing!" he shouted at the last part._

_Anger and shame blazed in me. "I-I just don't care anymore, okay!" I screamed. They gasped._

_Wes had a disappointed frown on his face. "Whatever's wrong with you, Blaine, fix it." _

_I kept silent as they hurriedly went out of the room._

An hour and a half later…

_The door in my room slammed open with Wes and David emerging from it. They looked sad, disappointed and angry._

_I looked up from my guitar, only to come face to face with my 'best friends' giving me the what-the-hell look._

_I broke their gazes and went back to strumming._

"_Blaine, what happened?" David asked, his tone strained._

_I chose to ignore what he asked._

_Wes' voice was controlled. "We found Kurt in his room, slumped on the ground and __**crying**__. Would you __**happen**__ to know why, Blaine?"_

_Minutes passed and still I did not answer. David was looking at Wes with a frown on his face._

_I sighed. "He…kissed me and told me he loved me." I said simply._

_Confusion broke in their faces._

_Wes seemed to be deep in thought while David just looked plainly puzzled._

"_Then why? Don't you love him back?" Wes asked._

_David mumbled almost incoherently. "You seemed so in love with him."_

_I laughed bitterly. "Just because we're both gay doesn't mean I'm already in love with him."_

_They huffed at the same time._

"_You are such a douche, Anderson. The kid must be really head-over-heels for you if he's breaking down like this." Wes murmured forlornly._

_I pursed my lips. "How is he?" I asked._

_David drew a deep breath. "Horrible. He just seemed so sad and broken, so – so dead."_

"_He wouldn't speak to us. We asked him a million times at what happened, but it was as if it crushed him a little more when we asked." Wes continued._

_I swallowed. Kurt was going through all that pain because of __**me.**_

He must hate me right now after all I've done.

When I asked Wes and David how he was doing two days after that _incident_, they only shook their heads in dismay. They were clearly disappointed with me. Well, they always said that I kept sending him mixed signals. Did I? Damn, am I that dense?

Kurt wasn't speaking to anyone. He always kept his problems inside. That had always been the way he resolved them, alone. I was one of the rare people he opened up to, yet did I do anything to prove worthy of his trust? Now that I pushed him away, who will he cling to?

I am a coward, that much I admit. With all the pain I've put him through, where could I find the nerve to face him again?

_Courage._

That's what he once needed in his life, only this time, it's us who both need it.

Courage to move on.

Courage to stand up after falling hard.

And courage to face everything.

I'm so sorry. But then again, no matter how many times I say it, it won't matter, now won't it? It's all in the past and all we can do now is look to the future with courage burning fervently in our eyes.

Nonetheless, it doesn't erase the fact that it kills him.

It kills him.

It kills him, **all because of me.**

**A/N: **Review m'kay? Or else you won't get any cupcakes. You like cupcakes right? Well you should.

-grins- Read the stories of oo0heArtbReAk0oo ! Man, she should pay me for advertising her here. Haha!


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